Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
