My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
