They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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