My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
