I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
