i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
