1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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