Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
