I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
