How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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