we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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