i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
