There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
