omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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