Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
