Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
