yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
