Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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