i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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