just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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