if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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