You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
