why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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