dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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