??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize