Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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