I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
