You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
