Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
