IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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