Sponge bath it is.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
