OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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