Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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