he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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