I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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