don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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