Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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