im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
