i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
