So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
