I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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