Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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