What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
