College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
