i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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