you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you never un-have a 4some
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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