Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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