The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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