The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
