yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
