so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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