No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
