I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
