Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
