whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
