All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
