Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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