If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
