i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
