wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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