That's intense
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
