Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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