i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
