I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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