So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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