She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
