but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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