If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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