he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
