i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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