Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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