I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
