Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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