I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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