I met the friendliest cop last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize