phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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