So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize