my mouth tastes like poor choices
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
