So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
