Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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