remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
