Say something about gay babies.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I did not marry a roomba.
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