peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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